A WHITE HOUSE AFFAIR
(L'Blanca Casa Scandola)
AN OPERA IN FOUR ACTS
The Libretto Outline
ACT I
Bill Clinton has just been elected president.
The Republicans are in shock.
As the curtain rises,
House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr
and plotting some way to remove Clinton from office.
The House Judicial Committee sings the opening
chorale,
"We Will Find a Way"
("Creatio Grandissimo Floozi Scandola")
There follows a recitative, sung by Tom DeLay.
"Oh, How Can We Find a Way?"
("Dredgi Uppulia Una Granda Bimba")
The House Republicans exit while
Paula Jones enters (stage right).
She holds a mirror and is singing the plaintive
"Why Can't I Find Love?"
(" Il Mio Schnozola é Humunga")
Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter (stage left).
As they spot Paula, they
sing the duet,
"We Have Found Her"
("La Flooza Perfecta")
They take Paula to a small cafe
where they hatch their plot in hushed
tones.
Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton
years
earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then.
DeLay and
Gingrich offer to help. They sing the glorious duet,
"Your Luck Has Changed"
("Nozjobbo é Rewardo")
ACT II
The House Republicans reconvene
with the news of Paula's revelations.
They sing in jubilation,
"We Must Tell the World"
("Telefoniamo i del Tabloido")
The rear curtain rises to reveal
the Chorus of Media which sings the
chorale,
"Tell Us More, But Only the Truth"
("Sexio Scandala Hypo
Sweepi")
Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson.
They sing the duet,
"He Must Go"
("Hypocriti Pious Crapolla")
Robertson offers to make time on his television program
to expose the
charges. At the House Republicans' suggestion,
Paula initiates a
lawsuit. The scandal becomes
the country's topic of conversation.
A Chorus of Lawyers enters (stage right)
to sing the jubilant grand
chorale,
"We Must Do Our Duty"
("Multi, Multi Grande Moolah")
Ken Starr meets with House Republicans
to plan their next move.
They
sing the chorale,
"We Will Save the Country "
("Sleezi Connivo")
Starr promises to convene a grand jury
that will send the charges to
Congress.
He sings,
"The Truth Will Be Known"
("Whitewater Non Starto,
Probo La Flooz Epidemio")
The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of
"We Must Do Our Duty"
As the
act ends.
ACT III
Linda Tripp enters (stage left) arm-in-arm with Ken Starr.
She is
wearing a headset and she is singing,
"Monica Is My Dearest Friend "
("Mi es la Wiccida Witchi Occidenta")
She tells Starr about the secret tapes that
she has made of
conversations with Monica Lewinski.
Starr takes them from her and sings,
"We Have Got Him Now"
("Presidente Droppo Pantoloni")
Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness.
Monica
enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers
asks her
questions. They sing the recitative,
"How Did It Happen?"
("Panti Thongo,
la Fashi")
Monica sings the long passionate aria,
"We Were Meant For Each Other"
("Non Smoko el Producto, Phalli Symboglio")
In the third scene,
Bill and Hilary Clinton are sitting in
the Lincoln Bedroom
talking about Monica's revelations.
Hilary sings,
"I will stand By You"
("Tu Jercho Stupido, Mi Remove Su Equippamento")
Bill replies with,
"She Was the Only One"
("Non Conto Gennifer, Paula, Piu
Multi Bimba Forgetta")
They embrace.
ACT IV
Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building.
The
Chorus of Lawyers hums in the background.
Hyde sings the triumphal aria,
"We
Believe in Something"
("Impeacho Hippi Bastardo")
Donaldson sings a recitative in reply,
"We Only Want the Truth
("Toupee
Eslippo")
The great trial begins in the Senate.
Trent Lott reacts to public
opinion polls
showing that the president has a
76% approval rating with the poignant,
"What Is Right Is Not Popular"
("Partia Repubblico
Committini Suicido")
The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale,
"Principles Come First "
("Mi
Adultero Non Counto")
With great flourish, Henry Hyde and Tom DeLay
stand
before the Senate to present their case.
They sing the somber duet,
"How
Can You Not Convict?"
("Evidenso Multi Flimsioso")
Finally in a moving chorale,
the Chorus of Lawyers sing,
"For the Good
of the Nation, We Must Acquit "
("Senato Non Stupido")
After the vote is announced,
Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay and Trent Lott
leave the Senate singing the grand trio,
"We Still Know the Truth"
("Wasto Multi Millioni")
As The Act Ends
EPILOGUE
The President sings the contrite aria,
"Oh, My Country, I Am Very Sorry For What I Have Done"
("Revengo Futuro")
The Chorus of Media surrounds the president,
shouting their questions
and singing,
"Who Will Now Believe Us?"
("Publicca Degustanta Es In
Media")
Monica Lewinsky crosses the stage
with her new literary agent, Ken
Starr.
They sing the glorious,
"It Is Still Not Over"
("Publishi Grande Bucchi, Dollare
Millionari")
As the Curtain Falls.
